


The Backstage Spectator

by LornaMae



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: F/M, Irony, Light Angst, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Unnamed OC - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 02:01:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14009748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LornaMae/pseuds/LornaMae
Summary: Hoya was the star of the limelight and she'd stay hidden in sa fe place where she could love him quietly.





	The Backstage Spectator

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, this is my first fic in AO3, made in my come-and-go 30 minutes leisure time. I try to write things that most possibly could happen in real life, and that often involves disappointment and unmet longing. So, apologies, you probably won't encounter any jolly and over-the-top story line here. But if you enjoy life's irony as it is, then I dedicate all of my writings for you. I don't expect anybody to read my fic, but if you do -- please leave some comments, like it or hate it -- I'll always welcome any of it.

“Thank you for the hard work!” They said in unison, followed by a polite bow as they headed off the dressing room and into the stage. 

He walked at the tail of the group, and while the rest bowed deeply to averted unnecessary eye-contacts with the backstage creatives, he was the only one who landed a glance at her. Later throughout the day, she’d repeat in her head that momentary second where their eyes landed upon each other. As if it was a lifetime occurrence, as if she had predicted how grey her remaining life would be and that those momentary seconds worth lifetime cherishing.

***

“Oh you—” a poked on her side ribs took her attention from knitting the loose beads of one of the performers’ costume, “You’re the new girl, right?” She reckoned that it was the backstage creative director asking her. With a slight stutter she bowed, “Yes, Director, thank you for the opportunity.” She waved her arms in the air, signaling her to cut the politeness.  
“Yaewon is sick today, please help me handling Infinite’s performance today,” She could sense the stress the Director had been getting from losing one of her favorite Coordi staffs for today’s event. She nodded lightly, diligently following the Director to the next room, separated just by just some fabrics hanging above the hole dividing the two dressing rooms, “This would be Infinite’s dressing room for today. You know all the procedures already, right? I heard you helped Yaewon preparing their comeback in Music Bank?” 

“Yes, I did.” Her voice was faint and light, soon enough it was drowned with the Director’s direction. As she tried to listen and process the Director’s direction, she couldn’t help but to dart her eyes to the man-sized poster of Infinite’s costume concept plastered on the corner wall, “That is for your reference, ok? We’ve lobbied Woolim to give them more edgy outfit for Music Core. Should be easy to follow,” said the Director, seemingly understanding where her eyes went to.

She couldn’t help but to smile, her entire insides jolted in excitement, she dragged her feet to the racks where Infinite’s costumes were hung. She grazed the fabrics with her hands, staring at the direction sticking on the mirror beside the racks. ‘Hoya – Blue vest, Blue Trousers.’ She could feel her cheek bloomed with no obvious reason. She just did.   
Feeling nervous all of a sudden, she tried to disguise her wide smile and urge to chuckle with a fake cough. She realized, as a Coordi staff she should never be caught dead having a crush on one of her ‘clients.’ She shook her head weakly, trying to suppress any expectation, she could have been assigned to be in charge for post-performance costume management, or probably assigned to other Infinite members that she barely knew. The man suited in blue vest and blue trousers could probably be assigned to other staff. But she couldn’t help cherishing the other week where her eyes landed on his sight, and it was a pure bliss.

Just right when she tried getting focus on grouping the clothes and accessories based on the members who’d be wearing them, the Director walked back in. She circled the room, inspecting the work of other Coordis, with obvious worry painted in her face colors. The Director pointed here and there, then stopping at her. The Director furrowed her thin eyebrows, and to her disbelief exclaiming, “Ya, new kid! Their agency wanted this member to stand out more,” the Director sighed in annoyance, scratching her forehead, “because he’d be in drama or something. So make sure he stands out.”

“Who?” Her faint voice broke from her stale effort in keeping her giddiness disguised.

“Haish,” The Director opened up the crumpled paper in her hands, then looked up to her, “This Hoya kid. You handle him.”

***

“But Eonnie!” her brother yelled, obviously peeved, “It’s Korea vs Japan match today!”

“Haish,” she took back the remote from her brother, yanking him forcefully, making him staggered against the paper-thin wall of their shared apartment in the outskirts of Incheon industrial site, “I need to watch this.”

“YA! You work with them, you see them every day! Aren’t you tired of looking at those people?”

“Shut up, kid.”

“You’re so obsessed.”

But it did not matter, none of it ever mattered. Because her brother’s complaints floated away as the TV turned to tvN channel and Reply 1997 was playing. A familiar face showed up, and in an indescribable feeling of bliss she mumbled to herself, “I can’t miss this. Not even once.”

***

“You did a good job the other day. The media even praised his costume that day.”

“Really?” her eyes widened in shock, although certain kind of happiness seeped in. And this time she could not hold it any longer.

“Yes, kid, I think you really understand Hoya’s style. I’ll let you handle him again for next week’s performance.”

***

She was scheduled to standby at noon the next day. But since last night, she could barely take a stroke of sleep. Her mind was racing, and her heart pounded fast. All those made her hungry, but even after a midnight ramyun, she could not hold back her excitement for what’d lie ahead tomorrow.

Meeting Hoya again, she thought. Even if it meant just helping him buttoning his shirt, folding the end of his trouser or lacing his accessories. Even if it just one sentence to him for the entire day: “Hello, Hoya-ssi, this is the costume that we have prepared today for you. This set has been approved by Director Kang and your agency.”  
Even if he would only say, “Thank you.” It still would be different, because then their eyes would meet again.

***  
The noon is still three hours away, but she had been in the backstage. The first artist to perform would only be at the backstage by 1 PM, but she did not mind waiting. Infinite would perform last, and that meant they would only supposed to be here by 3 PM. But none of it mattered, because the thought of colliding hands and skins with Hoya made her giddy all day.   
She couldn’t help but to find excuse to pass through the mirror of dressing room all noon long. Just to catch a glance at herself. She’d bought the dress for today. The flea market opened only on Sunday, but she’d begged the ahjumma to sell her that one white dress donated by the rich girl in the Incheon elite compound for today. It did not matter even when her fellow Coordi staff jeered, “Why’d you wear that for work?”

She looked beautiful, or as she thought she was. Her cheeks were flustered throughout the day, and her heart was inflated by expectations. She did not mind waiting. When the clock struck 1 PM, the first group arrived. To keep busy, she lent hands managing them. The group was consisted of nervous girls, mostly only seventeen. They debuted just last week, and there were no colors on their face. Perhaps they were anxious and filled with expectations. As she was. She felt for them, so she gave them the most beautiful head pieces in her collection.

By 2 PM, the backstage had already been swarmed by agency people, idols and creative staffs. She had started to lose sight and just helped everywhere she could. She heard that since Chuseok coming, most of the idol groups were trying hard to score good sales, it became pain in the ass for most of the staffs. They’d mutter under their breath, “Bastards,” after some idols were persistent about certain look. 

The time passed swiftly in her hands, as she ran here and there, trying her best to be of use to others in such a pressing time. She had told herself to keep an alarm ready fifteen minutes before 3 PM, so he’d be alarmed to anticipate for his arrival.

The thought swirled her inside in a knot again. Smile perforated from her pale face, “Do I look funny?” said the female idol that she was handling. Startled, she nodded lightly, but even then she could not stop smiling. “Are you anticipating something?” The idol asked again, seemingly curious.

“Just a guy.”

“Oh, an idol?”

“No, just a guy.” Her smile curled up with a slight wring, in her mind he was not an idol. Just a guy he could touch and feel. As if there was no distance left to run for her to reach him. As if he was real to her.

“Oh, how cute. I wish I had one.” The idol puffed her cheek in a jokingly manner, when suddenly her phone buzzed in her pocket. In a sheer atmosphere of panic, combination of packed backstage and a fifteen-minutes reminder to his arrival, she could feel goosebumps traveled down her spine, and her breath choked for a second. She tried to grasp for a mouthful of air, turning her back against her client. The idol seemed to notice the sudden change in her coordi’s facial expression, “Oh, are you OK?”

Panting, she rushed to button and lace the rest of the idol’s costume, “I’m okay. I just have to go.” She took a step back to see the overall look on the idol, and even in the moment of sheer panic, she thanked herself for working so hard now that the idol looks radiating, “You look great already. Thank you.” She bowed to her, and she supposed it was the twinkle in her eyes that was shown, but the idol chuckled a bit, raising her fist and said almost whispering, “Fighting.”

Whatever that was for, she needed that.

She paced herself to the back access, where all the idols’ van parked to avoid getting seen by the fans. The area was packed with men carrying props, and women yelling instructions. 

She drowned in all the crowd, her squeezing against the crowd to the opposing way others headed in. She was going for the exit, to see whether Infinite has come. To see whether Hoya was there or not.

Vans take turns to park, one by one the senior groups arrived. Greetings were shouted here and there, people bowed and rushed them to their dressing rooms. There she stood in silent, with her breath dangling on the verge of her throat, and her heart throbbing hard. Her eyes wandered around, she started to fidget, crumpling the sides of her special dress, waiting for that muscular figure to appear. Anticipating that moment where her eyes would land on Hoya’s sight again.

But seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned to vicious anxiety. 3 PM had passed ten minutes ago, and no sight of the group, neither of him. She felt as if she was swallowed in a tide that got taller and taller as minutes ticked away, until.. “Oh, Infinite’s here!”

And a commotion of “Infinite’s here!” followed throughout the back access to the alley that connected to the dressing rooms and backstage. She noticed the staffs paced their work faster. Property men were running, agency reps are ushering people away from place they did not belong to. And there it was, the black common van, parked ride in front of the back access, and men all wrapped in jackets and face masks got off the van. They rushed, bowing to the staffs as they passed through.

She stood. Breath was hung helplessly at the end of her mouth. Counting Infinite’s members by heart, one, two, three.

She stopped as she waited for the other four to step out of the van.

Four, five, six….

The manager followed suit and the driver closed the van’s sliding door. But there was no sight of Hoya. All the staffs headed inside, following Infinite’s arrival. But she stepped outside, trying to catch glimpse of the van driving away. But she could see clearly that no one’s but the driver inside the van. So she started to rush inside, bumping some of the staffs and finally stopped at one of the agency’s reps, wearing a polo shirt with plain Woollim logo embroidered on the chest.

“Excuse me,”

“Yes?”

“Are all the Infinite members here?” He tip-toed, trying to lever his height, looking afar to the dressing room trying to get clearer sight of the room. He counted silently then nodded, “Yes. They all came with the same van.”

“All?”

“Yes.” He said, looking away and started to scribble on a notepad in his hands.

“What do you mean all?”

“What?” He furrowed his brows, obviously looking confused.

“There are only six of them.”

“Oh—”

“Yes?”

“Haven’t you read the news?” He scratched his head with the tip of his pen, his side lips wrung uneasily as if he tried his best to manage what came next out of his mouth, “His contract got terminated.”

She tried her best to process his words, but all came out were jumbled words that had no meaning. Se tried to question her ability to understand, and then she began to realize, she understood, she just wasn’t sure that she had prepared to churn the information.

“Oh.” The only word that came out of her mouth. Because her breathe stopped, as if she had chose not to. Her stared hung helplessly, she could not even cry. Because who was her to grief over something she had no business in? She was nothing more than just a little backstage spectator, a fool to fall in love so carelessly with a man she knew nothing about but that one fine day where their sights landed on to each other. She had no rights to be upset.

She nodded politely, and she walked away to the dismay of the Director’s yelling from afar, calling out for her help with Infinite’s costumes. But she did not bother. She grabbed her bag on the way out, and as rain poured down, she walked aimlessly to the busy streets of Seoul. She did not mind drenching in the rain. 

In fact, she never minded anything when it came to Hoya. All she had was hope, that coincidences could bring them together. As she realized that she had not known anybody in the industry, she began to fathom, that there was only little chance that she could ever meet him again in the future.

And once again, he only became a figure she would see on television.

Not as a person she could fall in love with.


End file.
